Do you fear the word no?

Posted by admin in Stress on 02 5th, 2009 | no responses

It’s hard to know where to draw the line between being nice and being a walking doormat. It’s not something anyone else can tell you how to do and it’s not exactly something black and white enough so that you can look it up in a book. It ultimately comes down to doing things that you want to do. For example: you and a bunch of friends go out for lunch. When the check comes is it handed off to you? Do you usually just take it with a smile and pay for everyone? Now, there are lots of people who feel empowered by such an act. They do it because they want to feel important or whatever is going on through their heads and that’s fine. If it makes you happy, go for it. But if it doesn’t, if it gets to the point where you feel like you only do so because everyone expects you to or you feel disrespected afterwards, well, then you’re probably right: they don’t respect you. You are officially a doormat.

It’s not something you want to hear. Heck, I’m pretty sure that no one ever wants to hear that they have no backbone. But alas, it is a hard truth but still a truth. The only way you’ll ever get out of this rut is by speaking up. Thus we’re going to go over the power of using the word “No.”

Now some people have never really practiced using this magical little word. When you’re a people pleaser it’s hard to do anything that might put someone out. After all, if they’re used to being able to walk all over you they may not take your sudden rebellion too lightly. You may even lose them as a “friend.” The only thing I can say to that is “who cares?” Do you really want friends that will only stick around as long as they can use you? No, you don’t, and what’s more, you deserve better. Now, if this happens after you take a stand for yourself it may hurt but get over it. Take out your cell phone and delete their names, numbers, and disrespect forever.

If you find that you’re having trouble getting that little word across your lips don’t worry your pretty little head. Go find a mirror and practice. I’d even encourage a little silliness here. Try the best impersonation you can of your gaggle of fair weather friends. You’re likely to rise the feelings you usually have around them and one or two angry pants later you might be screaming “NO!” at the crazy eyes man or woman in the mirror.

Now remember that while you should be standing up for yourself there’s no need to be a jerk about it. When you’re passed that check you can do something as simple as asking the waitress to bring a separate check with only your meal on it and putting the other back into the center of the table. See? No harm, no foul, and you very neatly just brushed the prints of their shoes off your back. Nice start.

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